Ringwraith
by ZenZen
Summary: This follows the events that leads up to an Elf's descent into the darkness; how she abandoned the way of the light, and embraced the way of the Wraiths.. (Three part. Movie based.)


A/N: as I'm not familiar with Middle Earth's timeline, the events may be a little muddled up. I don't know when Laurelindórenan changed name to Lothlorien, and I don't know why, so Galadriel's horse is called Lothlorien for the time being. The events of this fic stretch from when the elves first inhabited Lothlorien, to the battle of Helms Deep. It is inconsistent with many of the original events, and is mostly movie based.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. They're all JRRT's. And some of 'em belong to the greedy bastards at New Line… but don't tell them I said that.

**Ringwraith- Falling**

My name was Nazriel.

~*~*~*

Cold, the world is forever cold. Darkness surrounds me… in the Black Land of Mordor there shall not be warmth nor light, the creatures know not these things. Yet, I was once warm, and my name once bore light.

I was of the Elven kind. My life I spent serving the Lady of the Woods, Galadriel. I was her most trusted, almost like a daughter. My dark comrades and I raided the Dreamflower once, and even though I have changed, she sensed me, recognised me, and said my name, a name I have not heard in ten years (yet it seemed like such a long time). "_Nazriel_," she had said.

I thought I no longer feared; yet when the word spilled out of her mouth, I fled. 

~*~*~*

"_Mornie utúlië," _Galadriel whispered to the creature's retreating back, "why have you let yourself become? Why have you let darkness engulf you, Nazriel?" 

~*~*~*

"_En_! The Great River! Is it not beautiful?" Haldir cried, halting his horse and pointing to the Anduin. I would have never admitted it to him, but secretly I agreed. It was a grand sight, the Anduin.

Lord Celeborn turned his horse around and glanced at the Great River. "Where the River meets the woods is where we will settle. It is a magnificent place, no dark things dwell there; all is warm and bright."

I sighed wistfully. "Oh, I _do_ hope we will arrive soon, I would love to see this place you described, Lord Celeborn."

Smiling, Lord Celeborn rode on. "We will get there in less than two days, it is not far from here."

"I do not understand why we have to leave Fangorn," Haldir said as he caught up to Lord Celeborn, "our kind has dwelled there for thousands of years, they have tamed the woods, and we lived in peace…"

"That is where you are wrong, Haldir," Lady Galadriel stepped off her carriage, and the company stopped as she jumped onto Lothlorien, "the woods were never tamed, they are wild, and they will always be wild; no one has the power to tame the woods, not even Elves."

"But why do we reallocate? The woods will not cause us any trouble." Haldir asked again.

Lady Galadriel shook her head slowly. "Do you not feel it, Haldir? The woods are becoming hollow, their insides are becoming dark, and it is spreading. The old Ents will not sway, but the younger ones…"

Haldir looked crestfallen; I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "I have lived in Fangorn all my life…" he said sadly.

Lord Celeborn laughed, "do not be sad, my son, you are still young, you will get used to this place, it is beautiful, and it bears many likenesses to Fangorn."

We arrived at our destination at the dawn of the second day. The Sun shone thought the trees brightly, yet so gentle to our eyes. I sensed magic in the air all around us; good magic, weaving themselves between every leave, every branch and every living creature.

I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, taking in the scent of the wild flowers that grows at this magnificent place.

"This is a haven," Haldir said, amazement clearly evident in his voice, "a haven from all things dark and cold, a haven where creatures of the light unites, and lives together in peace…"

"It is indeed a magical place," Lord Celeborn sighed, "I have not yet named it; it is simply too great for words."

Nobody said anything. They were too awed by the beauty of it all. A sweet voice rose, singing a song I have not heard before:

_When the cold of winter comes_

_Starless night will cover day_

_In the veiling of the Sun_

_We will walk in bitter rain_

_But in dreams_

_I still hear your name_

_And in dreams_

_We will meet again_

_When the seas and mountain fall_

_And we come to end of days_

_In the dark I hear a call_

_Calling me there_

_I will go there_

_And back again_

Lady Galadriel slowly ended the song, though I wish it could have gone on forever. "Laurelindórenan. It shall be called Laurelindórenan." She said, gently stroking Lothlorien's mane of pure white.

"Land of The Valley of The Singing Gold." Lord Celeborn said, smiling, "it is a beautiful name, my Queen."

~*~*~*

We dwelled peacefully in Laurelindórenan for a millennia; no news outside could bother us, for Laurelindórenan is a magical place. As long as it stands, evil shall never prevail.

Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn rarely oversaw trivial matters in Laurelindórenan, and it was mostly up to Haldir and I to mange such things. I thought the Lady and the Lord arranged for us to work together, to settle our differences. Though it did not work, as we disagreed on all things. Lady Galadriel had thought it was rather entertaining, the way we argue.

"Like a married couple,' she had chuckled to Lord Celeborn. That had certainly quietened Haldir, and I wasn't very better off. 

Despite our arguments, I cared about Haldir, and I had always thought that he would return my feelings. But I was too shy. I never spoke up about my love for him, and he never mentioned anything to me. 

~*~*~*

It was a dark and cloudy day, and I had a sense of foreboding about what was about to happen. The Lady felt it too, as she told me to stop waiting on her and see to the horses in the stable.

The air tasted stale in my mouth. Dark clouds loomed overhead. This weather was unusual. 

The stable smelt of wet hay. Lothlorien was there; her mane seemed to gleam. 

"Dreamflower," I whispered, stroking the Lady's horse. It is quite unusual for a horse to be as old as Lothlorien, but the magic of the Lady is powerful to sustain life for a very long time. 

"Dreamflower," I repeated. Lothlorien neighed slightly, and shook her magnificent head. 

"No? Well, I am going to talk to you anyway." Lothlorien was a clever creature, she understood what I say. "The others must think that I am mad, for I talk to a horse. But I know you are not just a horse, are you, Dreamflower? You are blessed by the Lady, and thus forth blessing me.

"He calls me rash. And that I am, I do not deny it. Perhaps it was unwise of me to fall in love with such an elf. One I see every single day. I think I may grow tired of seeing his face, but I never do. I do not know what to do with myself. Should I tell him the way I feel, or should I stay quiet and give him my sincere blessings if he falls in love with a female elf?

"I fear that I shall do something rash and confess my feelings to him, and I fear that he shall laugh in my face, and tell me he already has a lady love. I shall be horrible embarrassed and I shall never be able to show my face in Laurelindórenan ever again. I wonder if he does have a lady love, and who she might be.

"She is lucky, to have the love of Haldir."

I sat down on the hay and cradle my head in my hands. How can I joke and argue with him so casually, when I have such feelings for him? Perhaps if I leave Laurelindórenan, all will be better for everyone.

A rustle of hay alerted me to another's presence beside myself. 

"Nazriel," he called my name. I recognise that voice. As he stands up from the stall next to Lothlorien's, my suspicions are proven correct as my eyes befall the object of my affection.

"I… Haldir," I was speechless. Obviously he had just heard my whole confession to Lothlorien. Only one who is deaf could not have listened.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop…"

"I'm… so you have heard me?"

"Not on purpose," Haldir confessed, "it… took me by surprise."

My spirits dropped. He'd never thought of me that way, never thought of me as more than a close friend, or a sister. "Surprise… you have never, not ever thought…"

He shook his head sadly. "You are like a sister to me, Nazriel. I never thought… are you all right?"

My head is telling me not to be rash, do not do anything stupid. But my body, the heat on my face was telling me otherwise. I did not wish to be in the same place as Haldir. I did not want to embarrass myself any more than I already have.

Without thinking, I opened the stall gate and jumped on Lothlorien. I didn't glance back as I directed the horse to move out of the stable; the air in there was suffocating.

I heard my name being called as Lothlorien galloped away. Haldir.

I felt a pain as if my heart was being wrenched in half. I had chosen a wrong path in my hurry to get away. The branches of trees whipped my face; the pain was refreshing, and welcomed; it proved to be a distraction from the dull aches inside of my body.

It started to rain. The cold water seemed to jolt me awake. I had no idea how long I have been riding; Lothlorien does not tire easily. Looking around, however, I saw unfamiliar surroundings; the trees have thinned out into a wide flood plain. This did not look like Laurelindórenan any more. It did not even _feel_ like Laurelindórenan. Evil was around. 

Remembering that outside of Laurelindórenan was a century of darkness and corruption, I suddenly became very scared, and I was beginning to regret riding so far away from familiar territory. I was lost. 

"Dreamflower, do you know the way back home?"

The horse neighed, and sniffed the air. The rain was making her cold, and I did not want to dwell outside of Laurelindórenan's borders after dark. 

Lothlorien started a steady trot towards the forests Northwards of where we were. The rain had ceased, but I was already soaked to the bone. The clouds had cleared in some parts of the sky, allowing what little sunlight left of the day to filter through.

I should have sensed that there was some evil about, but I didn't. The attack took me completely by surprise. All I heard was the sound of a spear travelling through the air, and the next thing I knew I was sprawled on the ground. Lothlorien had been injured badly, and tossed me off her back before another spear flied through the air, originally aimed at me.

Orcs.

About seven orcs have started to surround Lothlorien and I. Normally they wouldn't be a problem, but I was unarmed, and the knife I had sheathed in between my boot straps had fallen off. Running away wasn't an option. It was not because I was too proud, but because I could not leave Lothlorien there lying in her own blood, slaughtered by orcs; I had to fight.

"What's this?" The leader had crept closer, and I could almost catch the horrible stench that he let off, "a pretty little she-elf and her horsie?"

The rest of the pack all laughed and crept a little closer.

"Poor defenceless little elf wandered too far from home?"

More laughter as the orcs edge closer.

The leader was eyeing me with a look of hunger on his face. It looked like he haven't eaten for days, the way his skin clung to his bone; his ribs protruding from his chest.

I tried to get up, and perhaps defend myself, but I seemed to have injured my leg as I fell off Lothlorien. All the while the orcs have noticed this and realised that I didn't have any weapons on me, and are grinning madly, closing in, all caution gone.

Just then, Lothlorien struck like lightning. I didn't even see her move. A moment later the head orc was on the ground, unmoving, his head at an irregular angle to the rest of his body.

The other orcs stopped dead in their tracks. Seeing their leader killed by a horse, they would have been stupid to come any closer.

One of the orcs looked at Lothlorien, recognition sparked in his eyes.

"That is the Elf Queen's horse," he rasped to his friends, "we must leave now. The Elf Queen cannot be far. She will want revenge, now that her horse is injured."

I don't know if it was Lothlorien, or the death of their leader that scared them away, but they left; scrambling after one another, in fear of the Lady's wrath. One of them looked back at me wistfully and licked his lips. "Tender meat," he wheezed, "what a waste."

"There will be more where she came from. Young elves know no better."

I wondered. Didn't I? Didn't I know any better? Why had I run? Who was I running from? Haldir? I would eventually go back to Laurelindórenan, and I would have to see him. If only I had listened to my head, none of this would have happened. Lothlorien wouldn't have been injured, and perhaps Haldir and I could have worked things out.

My fault. All this is my fault.

I snuggle close to Lothlorien and try to stop the bleeding with strips of fabric from my tunic. There was just too much blood. The spearhead was still in her neck; I didn't dare take it out.

As I watch Lothlorien lay there breathing heavily and slowly bleeding to death, the tears came like a flood.

All of this is my fault. My fault.

~*~*~*

I didn't know how long I was asleep for; fatigue had taken over. By the time I woke up, I could no longer hear Lothlorien's breathing; she was dead. Dead because of me… my fault.

It was completely dark; the night air stung my face. My leg was numb, and I still could not get up, let alone walk. 

Strong hoof beats sounded in the distance. The sound comforted me somewhat, made me feel that I was not alone; it also scared me.

The wind whistled past my ears, and I seemed to pick up hints of voices. "Where… you?"

The sound came closer. Now I could hear it clearly. "Nazriel, where are you?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but hesitated. It sounded like Haldir. I did not particularly want to meet him right then; and I did not want to go anywhere in him company. I did not answer, but realised my mistake as soon as the hoof beats and the voice were drowned out by the wind. How was I to go home now? How was I to get Lothlorien home? I had no steed, and I cannot walk.

I cursed myself for being so careless. Tears welled up behind my eyes. _I am a failure_.

~*~*~*

I must have fallen asleep again, because when I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the ceiling. 

The next thing was Haldir's worried face, his brows knitted together. "Are you all right?" He asked. I almost laughed at the irony of it all. This was the last thing that he had said to me before I ran away.

"I am fine," I said, sitting up and trying to avoid his gaze. In truth, I was feeling horrible. I tried to move my leg, but it was bandaged between two pieces of bark, stopping me from bending it.

"Ah. My leg…"

"Does it hurt?"

I shook my head no.

"It was broken when I found you. I just finished bandaging it. You should be able to stand on it in a fortnight."

"Thank you. I, um… thank you." I said stupidly. Why could Haldir and I no longer have a normal conversation? Everything was so formal, like we were perfect strangers. 

Silence stretched between us like an unfillable void. 

"Lothlorien!" I gasped, suddenly remembering the horse, "where is she?"

Haldir looked at the ground sadly, "she was-"

"Buried. This morning." 

Without Haldir or me noticing, the Lady was standing just outside the door of the hut. 

"Lady Galadriel… I did not hear…"

"Haldir, could you please excuse us? Nazriel and I need to talk."

"Yes, milady." Haldir bowed and exited. The Lady sat down on the edge of the bad, and stopped me from rising.

"There is no need to bow. It is just the two of us, I have no use for formalities."

She leaned in close to me and pressed her forehead against mine. "I feel your pain, Nazriel. Yet in truth, you do not need to feel like this. Haldir does love you, he is just afraid to let his feelings show. He is merely protecting his heart from harm, even though it may sound selfish. Do you remember the elf from Mirkwood, Alionde?"

"Yes," I nodded. How could I forget? Haldir was in love with Alionde when she was recovering from the injuries she suffered. I was the one who had found her, fainted close to the border of Laurelindórenan. I did not want her savaged by beasts, and had brought her into my home. Haldir was taken with her the moment she opened her eyes, and had spent weeks with her, falling in love with her. It seemed as if she was in love with him too. Haldir had told me all her promises, and his hope. After Alionde had healed, she left Laurelindórenan, only to return a month later with another elf. Haldir was thrilled that she had come back; he had thought that she loved him too. But Alionde had come back only to say 'thank you', and to introduce Haldir and I to her friend. I have since then learnt that three simple words may break one's heart, and I never wish to have that three word uttered within my hearing again.

"I am betrothed," was all Alionde had said. But it was enough.

"Haldir does not want his heart broken," the Lady continued as she pulled away from me, standing up, "he has never thought of you as more than a friend, but he may learn to love again."

The Lady stepped outside and smiled. "You are the one to teach him."

~End

A/N: Parts #2-3 might be a little slow to come out (many apologies). Writer's block is a horrible, horrible thing.


End file.
